Part 3: Developmental psychologist Darcia Narvaez offers information for parents to help raise confident, resilient children

Darcia Narvaez is a Professor Emerita of psychology at the University of Notre Dame. Her groundbreaking theory and book on the “Evolved Nest” was a response to decades of deteriorating well being among children and adolescents. Her research on mammalian evolution, neurobiology and developmental psychology shows how critical connected parenting is during the first few years of life, if we want to raise confident and resilient children.

Her book, Neurobiology and the Development of Human Morality: Evolution, Culture, and Wisdom, won the prestigious William James Award as the best book on general psychology.

This is the last part of our conversation and includes research-based advice for parents to help raise children equipped with tools to avoid or overcome anxiety, depression and other struggles more and more youth face today (most of the information for parents was provided in writing by Dr. Narvaez).   

We want to end our conversation on a positive note. You pointed to a number of resources for parents. What do you want them to know when caring for their newborns and young children, to ensure they grow up to be connected, confident and resilient? 

We often deal in generalities, and I think that at times these generalities can be like, ‘Oh, well, don't give your kid an iPad’ or, ‘Just let your child cry, they'll cry themselves to sleep'. To build a brain that's flexible [babies] need to have people who do respond to them, though, and not treat them like a doll or something. 

(Nick Wilkes/Unsplash)

And then play, whatever age your child is, let them go out and play on their own with other kids, actually multiple-aged playmates is best, and learn to play yourself, to be silly.

If you have an adolescent, cuddle them, sit next to them; they may not want to be cuddled but listen to them, face-to-face, take a walk with them because maybe that's less threatening. And do things together where you have to solve some problem; that helps people build connection. 

We have various tools at the website, as I said, the Evolved Nest curriculum, you can download. We have all sorts of links to podcasts and videos for you to learn about the particular nest component that can change your life.

The following responses are from pieces of writing Dr. Narvaez provided to help parents (much of the information can be found at: evolvednest.org).

Humans are distinctive in that babies are born highly immature (only 25 percent of adult-sized brain at full-term birth) and should be in the womb another 18 months to even resemble newborns of other species. As a result, the brain/body of a child is highly influenced by early life experience. Multiple epigenetic effects occur in the first months and years based on the timing and type of early experience.

Why does the evolved nest matter? Early years are when virtually all neurobiological systems are completing their development. They form the foundation for the rest of life, including getting along with others, emotionally and socially.

Part 1: American psychologist Darcia Narvaez wants a return to the ‘evolved nest’ — our children need it now more than ever

Part 2 of our conversation with developmental psychologist Darcia Narvaez about why young people are losing resilience

Under species-normal conditions, the child and mother are mutually attracted from the beginning and form emotional connections at the visceral level. Repeated episodes of shared sensory contact lead to robust visceral/autonomic conditioning. In species-normal settings, the child is frequently coregulating with mother and other responsive, physically and emotionally connected caregivers (Dr. Narvaez emphasizes the community of care model; it is not just the mother or father that provides crucial connectedness to the child).

In species-atypical settings, as in modern societies, the child is separated from primary caregivers for hours at a time. This leads to routine dysregulation, with little opportunity to restore coregulation, creating toxic stress. The mother and child can become repelled by, instead of attracted to, one another and the child can become noncompliant.

What is some of the brain chemistry happening immediately after birth that establishes future connectedness, resilience and confidence?

Minimizing distress is important, as extensive stress mobilizes cortisol, which at high levels destroys brain connections and signals danger, undermining growth generally. Stress during gestation and/or early life is particularly detrimental to mammals, shaping antisociality instead.

To grow their fullest capacities, young children expect deep social immersion in a welcoming community from the beginning of life, including conception. Babies evolved to be bathed in loving attention by a village of caregivers, for joy, for face-to-face, body-to-body immersion in social experience. Such experiences nourish us, help us grow and stay healthy.

(Carles Rabada/Unsplash)

The evolved nest provides a welcoming, sustaining, affectionate climate for a child. Within the nest, children form secure, responsive relationships with adults and peers; extensive opportunities for free movement, self-directed play and learning; integration into the local landscape and bonding with and contribution to the neighbourhood; multiple and multi-aged mentors who encourage the interests and gifts of the child; immersion in the natural world to build ecological know-how, ecological attachment and respectful relations with the other than human. 

Finally, what are some specific things new parents should do to create an Evolved Nest that helps build confidence and resilience?

Here are some things parents should do from birth to about three-and-a-half-years-old:

First, remember that you are co-constructing a human being, coordinating with the built-in maturational schedule of the child.

You help young babies learn to grow healthily by co-regulating their breathing, heart rate, and numerous physiological systems with your comforting companionship.

Human babies resemble fetuses of other animals until around 2 years of age, with many systems establishing their functioning based on experience, so meet their needs quickly.

Keep baby from feeling fear. If there is a loud noise or something disturbing, immediately calm them down. Otherwise they will learn to enhance their fear reactivity.

Design your life for the first years of a child’s life around maintaining their sense of security and feeling loved.

The best way to learn your young baby’s signals is to carry them skin-to-skin on your chest frequently. They also grow best this way.

Humble yourself to baby’s needs and they will grow into a cooperative, self-assured, independent person.

Remember that boys mature more slowly and are in babyhood for longer. They have less built in resilience and so need all components of the early evolved nest for longer (soothing, breastfeeding, positive touch, playful interactions, multiple responsive carers, connecting to the natural world).

Babies who cry frequently maybe indicating a need for more holding/carrying/carer physical presence. Or they may still have birth mobilizing hormones flowing through their body that they cannot dissipate without help. Skin to skin carrying can help them calm down.

Toddlers need to be free to follow their exploration impulses. They are building a sense of competence in the world. If you thwart them, they can develop a sense of self-doubt and even shame, which makes them less resilient.

Toddlers have not yet developed awareness of the effects of their actions on the feelings of others. So redirect playfully their actions that might lead to harming others.

Let toddlers and young children experience the world for themselves. They need full-body immersion in the world.

Don’t warn toddlers away from this or that because you then shift their compass away from their confidence to meet the world, toward needing external guidance to move forward.

We thank Dr. Darcia Narvaez who encourages readers interested in her work to visit the Evolved Nest website at: evolvednest.org.

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